I Felt Untouchable! (58/73)

I slept the majority of the way to the border. My Mother had to wake me as we approached customs. We all had to get of the bus in order to declare the items we were bringing in from Mexico to the United States. The line was crazy. There had to be at least five hundred people waiting. It looked like a bunch of tour busses were all coming across the border at the same time. It was peak time. 

Unexpectedly the line went rather fast and before we knew it, we were back on the bus. I was very happy to return to my seat. The medication that I was taking to help with the pain was starting to take a toll on me. In addition, my body was exhausted. We had not stopped sight seeing for days. It was not long after I sat down that I was asleep again until we reached our hotel.

The next day was a break day for all of us. We had nothing planned but to relax. Our time here in Anaheim was just about up. We had one more night then we would be heading back to Vegas for a night or two before starting the drive home. As usual, we headed to Coco’s for breakfast in the morning. We had been eating at the restaurant 2 times a day for over a week now. The wait staff had gotten to know us pretty well by now. So much so that our server had an assortment of soft things for me to choose from to eat. Amazing customer service. We all enjoyed having our meals there throughout the trip.

It was nice to spend the day doing nothing. We had been on the go straight for the last 6 days. Up every morning to catch a shuttle to which every attraction was on the schedule. Then walking and sight seeing for hours on end before recuperating at the hotel for the night, then get up, and do it all over again. I was exhausted, we all were. Don’t get me wrong it was the most amazing time of my life. Seeing all of those places was very exciting for me. To see there was more to the world then what I saw everyday. The trip gave me hope. Hope that there would be a day that I would feel as free as I felt when while we were there. I felt untouchable! That was a feeling I had never felt before.

Unfortunately, later that night I was reminded of how untouchable I was. Before bed, I was laying down watching Tv when my mother handed me the phone. I reached out, grabbed it, and said hello before I realised what I had done. I had been given my nightly mediation about thirty minutes previous so by now my brain was a little foggy and ready for sleep. After I said hello…. I heard his voice. I cringed as I listened to him blubber on about my accident in the pool and then I had to endure him asking how I was. In that moment, I truly wanted to say to him…. That I was dong great even with my injury up until the moment I heard his voice. However, I didn’t. I just responded by saying I was fine. Then I handed my Mother back the phone. In the moment, I could no longer pretend my life was normal like I had been. In that moment I knew he could reach me anywhere, no matter how far away I was. Just the echo of his voice was enough to pull me back down to reality.

After speaking with him, I found it hard to sleep. I tossed and turned most of the night. Another downfall of my mediation is that for some reason it intensified my dreams. It would relieve the pain but it would make my mind race as I dreamed. Each time as I was just about to drift of into a deep sleep, a vision of him waking me kept flashing in my head. It felt as if, I could hear his voice saying wake up, I could feel his hot, bitter breath behind me as he said the words and I could feel his hand on my shoulder aggressively shaking me to wake. This imagery would cause me to suddenly wake up many times throughout the night. As I did, I would thrash around the bed searching the room with my eyes for Jack. It was terrifying.

Each time my heart felt as if it was going to beat right out of my chest. It would take me few minutes to calm down before I could consider laying back down again. During that time, I would just sit there and observe the space around me. Everyone was still fast asleep. My distress not waking them at all. My Mother laying on the bed beside me fast asleep as well. However, she could sleep through anything so that did not surprise me. For a brief moment somewhere around five am I thought about running away while we were still in the United States. What could my Mother and Jack possibly do? Especially if they could not find me. Unfortunately, the thought passed out of my mind as fast as it entered as I wondered where I would run. I had nowhere to go even if I did want to.