She Changed From Being a Loving Mother Into a MONSTER! (41/73)

After I briefly told him about my escape, my Father told me what the police told him had happened at the house. He said that Jack went crazy and physically assaulted my Mother, Grandmother and anyone else who tried to stop him. Someone eventually called the police. He was not sure, if someone in the house did or if one of the neighbors did from the noise. Either way the police had been called. By the time they arrived, the house was in shambles and Jack had my Mother cornered in their bedroom. They entered and arrested him on the spot. That is when your Mother noticed you were gone and everyone took to the street to try to find you. They walked up and down the neighborhood calling your name but they could not find you anywhere. Eventually the police had been notified that you were at Bee’s house and once I arrived at your house, they told me were you were. That was when Uncle Tim and I came to get you.

As my Father was telling me this, my mind began to spin again. What did it all mean? What would happen to Jack? Was he gone for good or was he coming back. Before I knew it these questions were flying out of my mouth all at once at my Father. He and Dot could see I was scared. Terrified actually.  As Dot reached over to comfort me, I jumped back away from her touch. My Father then began to try to answer my questions. He could see that was the only thing that was going to calm me down. He said that Jack was in Jail awaiting a bail hearing which would happen within a couple of days. After that, he most likely would be released until trial. Released! That did not make sense to me. How could the let someone go that had hurt someone else.

I asked him if that meant Jack was coming back home? My father reassured me that Jack would not be coming back to the house. He had spoken with my Mother right before I awoke and she told him that a restraining order was being filed against Jack. That meant that he was not allowed to come anywhere near me, my Mother or my house. If he did, the police would arrest him immediately. Finally, the police were stepping in. I was relived at the thought of this. He was finally gone. I could have my mother back. Just her and I! The way it was before she let him into our lives.

I loved my Mother; but I was too young to see how bad of a mother she truly was. I just knew her as my mother. She did always try to raise me with good manners and values. She also taught me how to look at every other person in the world as a person. No judgement. No matter what their race, religion, sex gender/orientation, culture or choices. Every person mattered. There was a side to her that was once genuine. However, somewhere along the way there was a moment where she changed from being a loving mother into a monster! Somewhere along the way, she stopped seeing. She stopped caring. She no longer was looking to see what her child needed; her only concern was for HIM. Deep down I knew that and so did she. I wondered what was next as I sat listening to my Father and Dot talk to me about staying with them.

For some odd reason I choose not to? A choice that has truly baffled me to this day. I still do not understand why I choose to go back. Was it fear? Was it love for my mother? I was only biologically ten years old but I felt so much older mentally. Juggling all the secretes of my life had aged me. It had broken me. That much could be seen. Maybe that is why I choose to go back home with her because she also broke me and I didn’t know any better. Everyone assumed I was suffering from seeing all the physical abuse. No one ever thought it might be sexual abuse.