Could I Finally Break The Silence? (40/73)

 

After I packed up my things and said goodbye to Grandma Lois we left the house. As we drove out to Morinville, I finally felt as if I could breathe once again. My heart, which had been racing for hours, was finally starting to slow down. I wanted so much to cry but I couldn’t. It was as if I had no tears left to cry. I put my head down on the seat beside my Father as started to drift off to sleep knowing that I was safe with him. It had been a very long night and an even longer morning. My mind and body needed to sleep.

When we arrived in town, my father carried me into the house and put me into bed. He knew that the best thing for me was to rest. He was very worried about what I might have seen or been through the night before. He wanted to be able to ask me, but he knew I needed to sleep first before we could talk. I had obviously been through so much that night.

Later that day I awoke. When I first opened my eyes, I realized that I was in Morinville. For the first few seconds, I thought maybe everything that happened had just been a dream. However, that feeling quickly passed as a wave of emotions flooded across my body. It was like watching somebody else’s life. I had a hard time grasping that this had just happened. But it did! The question was… Now What? Was it finally safe for me to tell my Father about Jack? Could I finally break the silence? What a relief that would be if I could. Keeping this secrete was suffocating me. Drowning out the very child I was.

I slowly made my way out of the bedroom and down to the living room where my Father and Dot were sitting. Once they noticed that I was awake, they asked me to join them in the living room. They both reached out to hug me. My Father quickly asking if I was hurt anywhere or if Jack had hit me? I assured him that I was fine. I told him Jack had not touched me that night because I had run away just as the fight had started. He embraced me tightly in relief that I was okay. I could tell my Father was shaken up by everything. I could see the fear on his face. He explained to me that we all needed to talk and asked me to come sit down. I knot formed in my stomach as he said the words and one thought ran across my mind…. Could they know?

Once I sat down, my Father asked me to explain what happened up until the time that I ran away to Bee’s house. I was not sure how honest I could be. Did I want to tell him that I had it planned? That I knew I was going to run. No I thought maybe it might be better if I left that part out. I knew if I said that then he would want to know why I had it planned and I did not know if I was going to tell him the truth or not. I did not know if it would be safe for me to do so.