At Least 650 times! (27/73)

Jack could tell when I closed my eyes that I did not care if he killed me right then and there. As quick as he had my throat in his hand he let go. In a low angry voice, he said that he did not know what the hell was wrong with me! As he grabbed my face in his two hands he said your attitude better change by tomorrow night when I come back to see you! Or there will be hell to pay! Then he crawled out of my bed and left the room. As the door shut I curled up in ball on the bed. My body shaking from what had just happened. I cried myself to sleep that night hoping morning would never come. I did not want to have to see Jack again the next day and I really did not want him coming back into my room the following night! 

Before I knew it the morning had arrived. I awoke feeling like I had not really slept the night before. I felt emotionally drained. Thoughts of the evening kept running through my head as I got dressed for the day.  A part of me was proud of myself for making a stand against the monster. But there was also a part of me that was terrified at what the repercussions would be for doing so. I was hesitant to come out of my bedroom. I thought if I just stayed in there then I would not have to face what may await me on the other side of the door that morning. I could hear that someone was up and in the kitchen. The smell of fresh coffee was in the air. I could hear the phone ringing. So I crept close to my door and opened it ever so quietly in the hopes of hearing who would said hello when they answered the phone. Then I heard her voice. My Mother saying hello just down the hall. I breathed a sigh of relief and began to exit my bedroom.

Jack was nowhere in sight as I hugged my mother in the kitchen and she finished on the phone. I was so happy to see her that morning. She looked like she was feeling a bit better but you could tell she was still sick by the black circles under her eyes. Once she was off the phone she asked me if I wanted to go stay a couple of nights with her mother, my Grandmother, Lois. I was elated at the idea. I loved spending time with Grandma out on her farm. It was so peaceful there. Plus I would be able to avoid Jack because I would not be here! I replied yes and began to run to my room to pack my bag for Grandma’s.

Before I could make it out of the kitchen, Jack appeared and said he thought it might be better if I stayed home! He went on to say that he heard me coughing a lot the night before and that he was in checking on me quite a few times throughout the night. I could not believe what I was hearing! I had not coughed even once the night before except maybe when he was choking me! The only reason I looked tired was because he was in my room bothering me last night! I was so infuriated in that moment that I swung around towards my Mother, Eileen, put my hands on my hips and yelled…. NO! THAT IS A LIE!!!

Jack froze as those words came out of my mouth! So did my mother. I was shocked at myself. It just happened. I had no idea what to say next but the shock on Jack’s face said enough. So I took a breath, lowered my voice and said I was not coughing last night. I feel fine. Can I please go with Grandma? I knew I was taking a risk by making a stand. But how much worse could it actually get than what I had already endured. I was now ten- years-old and had been sexually abused by Jack at least 650 times! I needed a break from the nightmare! I needed out.  No matter what the consequences.